South Park

Stan Chooses Scientology

Season 9 E 12 • 11/16/2005

Stan chooses Scientology over his friendship with the boys.

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00:50

Tom, It's Nicole
South ParkS9 E12

With R. Kelly narrating the action from outside, Nicole Kidman steps in to try her hand at getting Tom Cruise out of the closet.
11/16/2005
02:02

Go Ahead, Sue Me!
South ParkS9 E12

After saying their religion is a scam, Stan welcomes a lawsuit from the Scientologists.
11/16/2005
02:43

Free Personality Test
South ParkS9 E12

Stan takes a free Scientology personality test.
11/16/2005
02:11

Fax These Results to Los Angeles
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's E-Meter scores are shockingly high.
11/16/2005
02:59

What Scientologist Actually Believe
South ParkS9 E12

The head of the Church of Scientology tells Stan the creation myth that Scientologists believe.
11/16/2005
00:51

A Bike or Not Being Depressed
South ParkS9 E12

Stan asks his parents for money to get help from the Scientologists, but they refuse.
11/16/2005
00:45

OT 9
South ParkS9 E12

Stan's off-the-charts thetin results are rushed to the head of Scientology, who immediately knows their cause: Stan is the second coming of the great leader.
11/16/2005
01:40

Thank You For Returning
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan goes to take out the trash, he is greeted by throngs of Scientologists hoping to catch a glimpse of their prophet.
11/16/2005
01:26

Tom Cruise Won't Come Out of The Closet
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise is seeking approval for his acting career. Stan doesn't tell him what he wants to hear.
11/16/2005
00:57

R Kelly
South ParkS9 E12

Tom Cruise refuses to come out of the closet, so the local news media turns to R. Kelly.
11/16/2005
00:55

Stan Chooses Scientology
South ParkS9 E12

When Kyle tells Stan he thinks Scientology is wrong, Stan Chooses Scientology over their friendship.
11/16/2005
01:12

John Travolta Feels Safe in the Closet
South ParkS9 E12

John Travolta joins Tom Cruise in the closet.
11/16/2005
01:27

Scam on a Global Scale
South ParkS9 E12

When Stan tells the head Scientologist about his idea to make membership in the church free, the head Scientologist tells him Scientology's a Scam on a Global Scale.
11/16/2005
00:55

R Kelly Sings with TC & JT
South ParkS9 E12

With Nicole Kidman and John Travolta having failed, it's time for R. Kelly shot.
11/16/2005
02:37

Willzyx's Problems
South ParkS9 E13

Kyle drags the boys back to Jambu's tank to show them that the whale can talk. The boys are made to believe the whale's name is Willzyx, he's from the moon, and he's very sick.
11/30/2005
01:26

The Sketch
South ParkS9 E13

The Sea Park announcers use a crude sketch of the boys in hopes of tracking them down.
11/30/2005
02:43

Rocket Launch
South ParkS9 E13

A Mexican rocket successfully sends Willzyx into space and on his way home.
11/30/2005
01:37

Denver's Sea Park
South ParkS9 E13

The boys watch an Orca show.
11/30/2005
01:17

Jambu Speaks
South ParkS9 E13

Kyle thinks Jambu the whale is talking to him.
11/30/2005
01:37

Busting Out Willzyx
South ParkS9 E13

The boys break into Sea Park to free Willzyx.
11/30/2005
01:24

Ransom Note
South ParkS9 E13

The boys leave a confusing ransom note at the Sea Park, but announcers know who took Jambu.
11/30/2005