♪ WIENER, WIENER - ♪ ONE WIENER
- ♪ WIENER, WIENER - ♪ NEXT TO ANOTHER
♪ WIENER - ♪ WIENER PARTY
♪ WIENER PARTY - ♪ TWO WIENERS
♪ ALONGSIDE YET ANOTHER
♪ WIENER
- ♪ DANGLE SOFTLY - ♪ SOFT WIENERS
♪ NICE AND SOFT - ♪ FLOPPING WIENERS
- ♪ NON-ERECT WIENERS
- ♪ FLOPPING WIENERS,FLOPPING WIENERS ♪
ABOUT THE WEDDING.- YEAH, SURE, WHAT ABOUT IT?
- I THINK IT'S BESTTHAT WHEN THE TIME COMES
FOR THE MALL TO OPEN YOU SHOULDSTAY BACK A BIT FROM THE DOORS.
- WHY?- WELL, THINK ABOUT IT.
THE FIRST PEOPLE INSIDEARE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE ON
THE BRUNT OF THE HOLIDAYSHOPPERS FROM THE MAIN ENTRANCE.
IT'S BEST WE LET BUTTERSAND SCOTT MALKINSON GO FIRST.
WHILE THEY FIGHT,WE CAN SIMPLY SLIP ON BY.
- WELL, YEAH, I GUESSTHAT MAKES SENSE,
BUT BUTTERS AND SCOTT WON'T BEABLE TO GET THEIR PS4s.
- YES, THAT'S TRUE, BUT...
LET'S FACE IT, SIR STAN.
THIS IS ALL ABOUTYOU AND ME GETTING PLAYSTATIONS.
THE REST ARE SIMPLY THERETO HELP US GET--
- HE'S LYING TO YOU!
THEY'RE JUST ACTING LIKETHEY'VE GIVEN UP,
BUT IT'S A DOUBLE-BLUFF.
- DUDE! DUDE!
- THEY'RE GOING TO BETRAY YOUAT THE RED ROBIN WEDDING.
HE GOT THE IDEA WATCHING GAME OF THRONES.
- DUDE, SHUT [BEEPED] UP!
- WHO IS THAT?- HE'S JUST THIS OLD CRAZY GUY
THAT GETS PISSED OFF 'CAUSEI'M IN HIS GARDEN ALL THE TIME.
- THEY'RE GOING TO LOCK YOU IN!- GODDAMN IT, SHUT UP!
- HE TALKED ABOUT ITIN MY GARDEN
TO, LIKE, THREE OTHER PEOPLE.
THEY'RE GOING TO LOCK YOUIN THE RED ROBIN
AND THEN GO GETALL THE XBOXES.
THAT'S WHY HE WANTS YOU TOSTAY BACK FROM THE DOORS.
- WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELLTHE WHOLE WORLD EVERYTHING, HUH?
WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONEWHAT PROMETHEUS WAS ABOUT
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!
- DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?- DUDE, WE'RE NOT GONNA
BETRAY YOU--COME ON.DID YOU SEE PROMETHEUS?
I DON'T THINK THE WRITERSEVEN KNEW WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT.
- DID KYLE KNOW ABOUT THIS?- [sighs]
KYLE THOUGHT OF IT.
STAN! DUDE, HOLD ON.
XBOX ONE IS [BEEPED] SWEET,DUDE.
YOU'RE A [BEEPED] ASSHOLE!- [BEEPED] YOU!
GET OUT OF MY GARDEN.
- I'LL SHIT IN YOUR[BEEPED] GARDEN!
- GO [BEEPED] YOURSELF!
- NILES LAWTONIS AT THE SCENE,
AND IT'S ABOUT TIME, NILES.
- THAT'S RIGHT, TOM.MALL OFFICIALS HAVE SAID
THEY ARE READY,AND DOORS WILL OPEN
AS SOON AS THEIR GUEST OF HONOR
CUTS THE CEREMONIAL RED RIBBON.
THIS YEAR'S RIBBON CUTTER IS,OF COURSE, GEORGE R.R. MARTIN,
WHO, UH, DOESN'T APPEARTO HAVE SHOWN UP YET
BUT SAYS HE IS ON HIS WAY.
JUST LIKE THE DRAGONSAND ZOMBIES IN HIS NOVELS,
HE IS ON HIS WAY.
[dramatic, sweeping music]
♪
- NOW, JUST HOLD ON A MINUTE!
I'M PRETTY DARN SURE
THE FASTEST WAY BACK TO COLORADOISN'T ON HORSEBACK.
- THAT MAY BE TRUE,BUT HORSES HAVE ONE QUALITY
THAT IS UNMATCHED BYANY OTHER MODE OF TRANSITION.
- WHAT'S THAT?
AWWW!
JUDGE IT BY ITS SIZE.
RUB IT THREE TIMES,AND IT HAS A SURPRISE.
- THAT'S IT, YOU'RE NOTDELAYING THIS ANYMORE,
YOU WIENER-LOVING BITCH!
- [gasps]
[crowd roars]
- HAPPY HOLIDAYS, RICK.
- AND TO YOU, MY FRIEND.
[crashing sounds,objects shattering]
- GRAB IT, REBECCA, GRAB IT!
- KISS MY FAT VAGINA!
- GIVE ME THAT CAMERA.- GIVE IT UP!
- GET BACK,GET OUT OF MY WAY.
[cell phone rings]
COMMANDER MARS.
- DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR SONIS SUPPOSED TO BE GROUND
AND HE SNUCK OUTTO GO TO RED ROBIN?
- WHAT? STAN'S AT THE RED ROBINWEDDING TOO?
OH, GOD,I REALLY CARE ABOUT HIM.
[rock music]
- THIS IS OVER.NOW YOU DIE!
[panting]
IT'S OVER.XBOX WINS!
- YAY, XBOX WINS.YAY.
- STAN, YOU'RE ALIVE!
I SAVED YOU!
IT'S OKAY, BEYONCE,THE FIGHT'S OVER.
YOU CAN STILL SHOP.[groans]
- [panting]GO ON, KIDS.
GO GET YOUR XBOXes.
♪
- CAN ELMO SMELLYOUR GENITALS?
♪
- HAPPY HOLIDAYS, GUYS.WHAT CAN YOU INTEREST YOU IN?
- WE'D LIKE TO GET XBOX ONESPLEASE.
- GOOD CHOICE.
- TOM,THE SHOPPING FRENZY IS OVER,
AND IT LOOKS LIKEMICROSOFT'S NEW XBOX ONE
IS THIS YEAR'S HOT ITEM.
NO DOUBT THIS WILLSECURE ITS PLACE
AS THE GO-TO NEXT GEN CONSOLE.
BLACK FRIDAY IS IS OVER.
THERE'S BEEN DEATH, VIOLENCE,
HORRIBLE HUMAN BEHAVIOR,
AND THE BIG WINNER HEREDECIDEDLY IS CHANNEL 9 NEWS.
- THE INTERFACE IS PRETTY COOL.
SEE, I TOLD YOU GUYS IT'S REALLYA SEAMLESS INTERFACE.
- YEAH, IT IS.
- THE GRAPHICS ARE DEFINITELY10% BETTER THAN THE OLD XBOX.
- YEAH, THAT--THAT'S PRETTY NICE.
[game sounds stops]
YOU GUYS WANT TO PLAY OUTSIDEOR SOMETHING?
- CARTMAN,YOUR SIDE WON, DUDE.
WHY ARE YOU SO SAD?
- I JUST...I CAN'T GETTHE IMAGE OF BILL GATES
BASHING THAT GUY'S HEADAPART OUT OF MY EYES.
- YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
- WELL, LOOK, GUYS.XBOX WON THE CONSOLE WARS.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO,NOT PLAY VIDEO GAMES?
- THE LAST FEW WEEKS WE'VE BEENTOO BUSY TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES,
AND LOOK AT WHAT WE DID.
THERE'S BEEN DRAMA, ACTION,ROMANCE.
I MEAN, HONESTLY, YOU GUYS,
DO WE NEED VIDEO GAMESTO PLAY?
- THAT'S RIGHT.- HE'S TRYING TO MAKE A POINT.
- MAYBE WE STARTED TO RELYON MICROSOFT AND SONY SO MUCH
THAT WE FORGOT THAT ALL WE NEEDTO PLAY ARE THE SIMPLEST THINGS
LIKE...LIKE THIS!WE CAN JUST PLAY WITH THIS!
SCREW VIDEO GAMES, DUDE.WHO [BEEPED] NEEDS THEM?
- YEAH!- YEAH!
- [BEEPED] 'EM!
- THE SOUTH PARK VIDEO GAME,
COMING TO STORES SOON.
- YEAH, AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT
I GOT A BIG, FLOPPY WIENER
TO DANGLE IN YOUR FACE.
Titties and Dragons
s17e09 December 04, 2013
The doors to the mall will finally open for the biggest Black Friday sale in history. The boys are divided, but a bloody battle will determine which gaming device is victorious.

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