This is Somalia ?
Where's all the waterfallsand shipwreck lagoons ?
The fuck ?
Excuse me,where are the pirates ?
Hey, hey, we're lookingfor the pirates ?
Where can we find the--
Butters,get the phrase book out.
Ask these people wherethe pirates are.
( speaking in Somali )
( speaking in Somali )
Oh, he's saysthey're in there.
Ah, nice !
Come on, mateys !
Yes, baka baka alakajam-- thank you.
Okay, and you checkedwith Kenny and Token ?
He's not just stayingat their houses ?
No, dude,everyone's checked.
I think Cartman reallyran away to Somalia.
I can't help but take somecredit for this.
I helpedconvince him to go !
You really think he'lldie in Somalia ?
Oh, for sure, dude.
It's the most Godforsakenplace on the planet.
Things are finallygonna be normal around here.
Oh, God !Oh, God !
What did we do wrong,Gerald ?!
Take it easy,we'll find him !
I'll call you back.
Oh, Kyle, he's gone !
Your little brother'srun away from home !
What ?Are you sure ?
He left a note sayinghe's never coming back !
"Dear Mommy and Daddy,I am running away.
"I am sorry,but I can no longer handle
"the monotony ofmiddle-class life.
"Everyone at school isa fucking idiot
"and if one moreperson talked to me about
"that Susan Boyle performanceof 'Les Miserable'
"I was going to puke myballs out through my mouth.
"I love you all, but I haveto move on.
"I'm going toSomalia to be a...
to be a pirate ?!"
Oh, shit !
Oh, Gerald,what are we gonna do ?!
It's all right,he couldn't have gone far.
Let's call the otherkids' houses.
Oh, God,what have I done ?
We found them adriftin a life boat, sir.
They say that piratestook their ship by force.
Damn pirates !
What's causing them to suddenlybe so much more active ?
Is the crew okay ?
Yes, sir, they're French
so they surrenderedimmediately.
Once the piratesboarded your ship,
how did they forceyou off ?
Elles avait light saber !
Oui, un light saber !
Le light saber terrible !
( imitating saber buzz )
Sir, the piratesappear to have
forced the French crew offtheir boat with a light saber.
The pirates are gettingbetter equipped every day.
Gentlemen, I want the Presidentof the United States
on the phone.
We can no longer fightthe pirates on the seas.
We have to take them outwhere they live.
What did I tell you,Butters ?
This is the good life, huh ?
( gunshots & chatter )
( men speaking in Somali )
What's going on ?
Ah, good, a hostagewill bring a fine ransom !
( announcer )This is CNN.... N.
Breaking news of yet anotherpirate crisis in Somalia.
Members of NATOreceived word today
that pirates have capturedan American child
and are demanding10 million euros
for his safe release.
US Navy shipshave been deployed
and the pirate standoffis about to get ugly.
Well, well, well,well, well, well,
well, well, well,well, Kyle.
You came all this way totry and join my pirate club.
No, fat ass,I came to get my brother !
We all have to getout of here !
It isn't safe !
It isn't safe.
That's not what you saidback in the cafeteria, Kyle.
In the cafeteria you saidSomalia was awesome.
I know,was lying then.
Or are you lying now ?
So many lies, Kyle, you can'teven keep them straight !
You just couldn't stand thatwe were living in paradise
while you were back home.
This isn't paradiseand you know it.
The people here arestarving and dying.
The whole worldhas used Somalia
as a dumping ground fortoxic waste.
Even the fishhere are radioactive !
( screaming )
Cartman, just give memy brother
and let us get out of here.
Your brotheris with Butters,
taking inventory our latestplunder, Kyle.
You, just sit tight
'til we hear aboutyour ransom money.
One box ofItalian Passports !
Three crew memberwatches--
Excuse me,can I ask you a question ?
Oh, sure, Guleed.
Why did youAmericans come here ?
Wul, 'cause our livessucked back home.
We had all theserules and homework.
Yeah, homework !
And our parentshollered at us.
So we wanted tocome here and be pirates !
But that's whatI do not understand.
Why would anyone wantto be a pirate ?
Every day I dream thatI can go to school,
learn about the world.
But my mother,she's dying of AIDS
and there is no moneyfor medicine.
My father was killedtrying to find food for us.
Do you know how I feel
every time we try tocapture a boat ?
And not just scaredbecause I might get killed
but scared because if I don'tget something out of it
my familyand friends are going to die.
I don't want tobe a pirate.
I don't seehow anybody would.
Oh, my God.
Jeez, guess we kinda gotput in our place, huh, Ike ?
I feel like an asshole.
Yeah, me too.
Cartman, knock it off !
That's Captain Cartman,ye' Jewswoggle.
Eric-- hey, Eric !
Listen,we wanna go home.
Me and Ike, we been talkin'and... wul, guys,
we really had itpretty good back in America.
I mean, sure, it's easyto think our lives
are boringand full of rules,
but a lot of peoplehave it way worse.
The pirates' life isn'ta life of fun and adventure.
It's a life of hardshipand suffering.
When you get down to it,
we were pretty luckyto have the lives we did.
( crying )
I hate it here,I wanna go hommmme !
You guys cannot leavethe pirate club now !
How can you not want to stay
in this paradisewe've created ?!
In Somaliapeople have no laws !
They have no rules and theynever grow old !
They never grow old becausethey die before they're 30 !
Nobody's going anywhere !
I'm the captainof this outfit !
( whistling )
To arms !
( guns cocking )
Now, is there any questionwho's in charge ?!
I have an entire pirate crewwilling to do anything for me !
All right, men, remember,do not hit the white ones !
Me and my crew are gonna goon piratin' forever !
( silenced gunshots )
The fuck ?!
Cartman's dream of living the life of a pirate will come true if he can just get to Somalia.