( Cartman )The city isn'twhat it used to be.
It all happenedso fast.
Everything went to crap.
everyone's sense of moralsjust disappeared.
The bad economymade things worse.
The jobs started drying up.
Then the storeshad to shut down.
Then the black man waselected President.
He was supposedto change things.
As more and more peopleturn to crime and violence,
the town becomesgripped in fear.
This cityneeds protection.
There is an animalthat lives by night,
searches through trash cans
and cleans outthe garbage.
To cleanthe trash can of society
I've chosen to becomemore than a man.
I am the herothis town needs.
As the world plummetsinto despair,
The Coon fightsto keep order intact.
Lisa, I had a reallygreat time tonight.
I did too, Josh.
Would you mind very muchif I kissed you ?
Not at all.
A woman being raped.
This is what ourcity has been reduced to.
When the money goes,the raping starts.
Women are helplesswithout the Coon.
Oh, yes, Josh, yes !
Let her go !
Excuse me ?
You aren't rapinganyone tonight !
Oh, it's a talkingsquirrel.
Ahggh !Wahgghghh !
Get out of here,get to safety !
Lisa, call me !
Ahghggh, ow !
Another womansaved from rape.
But how many more rapistsare out there ?
Aww, that really stings.
All right, things arepretty quiet out there, boys.
Let's try to get caught upon some paperwork.
Murphey, I want you to...
Don't let thecity's peacefulness
fool you, Commissioner.
It's too quiet.
Oh, not this kid again.
Hey, you getoutta here-- out.
There was another rapistin the park tonight.
It's no coincidence.
It must be a rapist plotand it stinks to the top.
I think the Mayormight be involved.
It's my theory she hasa lesbian lover
who's holding her leash.
Jesus Christ, can we geta lock on that window ?
Look, kid,you need to stop...
No, I'm justover here now.
What do we know about theMayor's sexual preferences ?
All right, listen, you havefive seconds to leave
or I'm gonna put you inthe jail and call your parents.
Jail's full, sir.
Whatever, then we'lljust put you in...
Now I'm back over here.
Just get out of herebefore we...
I'm right here now.
All right, stop it !
Yes, I have to go now.
But in the meantimeI have something
that might interest you.
Make sure all your men geta look at these, Detective.
What's in here ?
Which one of themis it ?
Somebody is dressing up
and pretending to bea superhero, but who ?
Has to be one of theguys in my class
'cause onlythey knew The Coon
would be on the rooftopof Walgreens.
Can't think about thatright now.
I have to focus.
Tomorrow is the most importantday in The Coon's life.
Everything The Coonhas lived and fought for
comes down to tomorrow.
How is it that nobodycame to Coonicon '09 ?
This is just...this is fucking ridiculous !
Got everythingyou need here, sir ?
Okay on beverages,buffet items ?
Yes, it's fine.
Great-- hey, I just want tosay that the Airport Hilton
really appreciates yourcontinued business.
What do you mean,"continued" ?
You don'tknow who I am.
Aren't you that little boywho had his Ginger Pride Rally
and his AIDS benefithere before ?
No, I'm not that kid !
Oh, oh really ?My bad.
I'm actually relieved.
That kid was kind ofa douche bag.
You're a fuckingdouche bag !
Get out of here !
Oh, hello, sweetie,what did you do today ?
I got boned, that's whatI did, Mom !
I try to do good stuffand nobody even notices !
Oh, what happened, hon ?
I can't tell youwhat happened
'cause it's about mysuper-secret double life !
( man on television ) Tonight, an incredible story
of an unknown childin South Park
who has taken to the streetsin an effort to fight crime.
But who exactly is...Mysterion ?
Curious crowds in thetown of South Park, Colorado.
They've brought binocularsand camera phones,
trying to get a shot ofa mysterious superhero.
He was dressed mostly in blackwith a kind of cloak.
He jumped down fromthe fire-escape stairs
and then he just ran off.
We barely gota look at him !
To me it looked likeMysterion to me.
Everyone who seenMysterion say, "Yeah."
Yeah !Yeah !Yeah !Yeah !
Well, I think he'skind of a symbol
for the town, y'know ?
A symbol that everyonewho's sick of crime
can rally behind.
Well, if you ask me,he's a menace.
There's no room forvigilantism in today's world.
( reporter )This artist renditionof Mysterion
has alreadygenerated thousands of copies.
You've gotta bekidding me !
As hundreds of people gatherto try and get a glimpse
of the superhero,one question remains:
who is Mysterion ?
Who is Mysterion ?Who is he ?It could bemy child or yours !
If you have any idea aboutthe true identity of Mysterion,
please call the9 news hotline.
any of you do anythinginteresting last night ?
Not really.Really ?
Nobody was playing withany fireworks ?!
( sniffing )
Dude, what the hell ?
A-ha, Kenny !
I should have know !
Why do you have a pictureof Mysterion
in your locker, Kenny ?
Unless you areMysterion !
Dude, I have a picture ofMysterion in my locker too.
Yeah, so do I.
What, why ?!
I don't know,it's just a cool costume.
It's not a cool costume !
He just wears his underwearover his butt-fucking pants !
Now come on, which one ofyou guys is it ?!
How are you so sureMysterion is a boy ?
( gasping )Fucking bitch.
but to unmask myself.
Don't do it, Mysterion !
If you show youridentity,
we'll be forced to arrestyou for being a vigilante.
Don't you thinkhe knows that ?
But superheroesknow that sometimes
you have to sacrifice yourselffor the greater good !
Don't show yourface, Mysterion !
You have to be a symbol !
So that the next terroristcan threaten South Park
if he doesn'tunmask himself ?
No, it's true.
As long as my identityis a mystery,
this will justhappen again and again.
It has to end.
I willshow my face.
Well, I'll be.
I knew it was you !
Remember, I evensaid it before !
Wow, a kid from my classwas Mysterion.
Well, I'm sorrybut you're under arrest.
Take the kid to jail.
( Cartman )My entire planworked to perfection.
My work here is done.
With Mysterionout of the way,
The Coon can finally go backto keeping the city safe.
Once again,I alone am the symbol
this town canstand behind.
Every townneeds a hero.
Every town needs...
The Coon rises from the trash and takes his place as a lone vigilante who wipes out crime in the town of South Park.