Would youlook at that ?
It's just incredible,isn't it ?
I stillcan't believe it
even though it's rightthere in front of me.
Yeah, it's just so...astounding.
Well, believe it,friends.
The impossiblehas happened...
Kenny has a girlfriend.
Yeah, a fifth-gradegirlfriend.
This is serious.
They've been going outfor almost two weeks now.
So wh-who is she ?
( Cartman )Her name's Tammy Warner.
She's the onlygirl in school
whose family is actuallypoorer than Kenny's.
It's really kind ofbeautiful, if you ask me.
You guys !
You guys, I thinkwe have a big problem !
Well, apparently Kennyhas a girlfriend !
Yeah, dude,Tammy Warner.
She's a fifth-grader.
Does Kenny like her ?
I guess so.
She's like his firstreal girlfriend ever.
Oh, no, oh, jeez !
Butters,what's the problem ?
I just talked toBrad Dixon.
Tammy Warner is bad news.
All the fifth graderscall her a slut
on a count of she gavethis kid, Dave Darski, a BJ
in the parking lot ofT.G.I. FRiDAY'S.
It's true !
Ask anybody infifth grade !
Tammy Warneris a total slut !
That bitch !
Kenny gave hisheart to her
and she's just gonnathrow it in his face !
Well, Kennydeserves to know, fellas.
If you guys found outmy girlfriend was
a raging whore,I'd want you to tell me.
All right, come on, guys.
Hey, Jimmy,what's a BJ ?
Oh, hey, guys.
Listen, Kenny,we need to talk about
your new girlfriend.
What about her ?
Kenny, we know you reallylike this girl, but--
But what ?
Well, we've heardthat she's...
your girlfriend isa notorious whore.
She even gavea kid named Dave Darski
a BJ in the parking lotof T.G.I. FRiDAY'S.
Your girlfriend'sa slut, dude.
He took itpretty well.
Hey, Tammy !Hi, Ken !
You decide what youwanna do after school ?
Yeah, I was kind ofthinking
we should goto T.G.I. FRiDAY'S.
T.G.I. FRiDAY'S ?
Yeah, could belots of fun.
Yeah, okay, but...
there's something I needto talk to you about.
There's a lot ofrumors going around about me
that I agreed to givea boy a BJ.
Well... it's true.
But it was before youand I were together,
and it wasn't my fault !
See, I was watchingthe Disney Channel
and that show came onwith the Jonas Brothers--
Jonas Brothers ?
You know thatteenage boy band ?
Every time I see themI get so... tingly.
I justcompletely lose control.
And then Dave Darskishowed up
and took meto T.G.I. FRiDAY'S
and it just happened.
But it was only for one secondand I had my eyes closed.
I know it's terrible.
Can you...can you forgive me, Ken ?
( sighing )
There you are, young man,
Well, well, well,here he comes.
It's BJ Mckayand his best friend, Bear.
So how'd it golast night ?
( sighing )
What's that ?
A purity ring.
Purity ring ?
Yeah, it's a purity ring.
What does that mean ?
It means I'm gonnabe pure
and not have sexuntil I get married.
Dude, you ?
We thought you reallywanted to have a BJ
before yougot too old--I did !
I was really excitedto get a BJ
but now I have to wear thismotherfucking purity ring !
All right, all right,Kenny, calm down.
You're too young tobe getting BJs anyway.
It's good you and Tammyare making a commitment
to each other thatisn't based on sex.
It isn't fair, I was soclose to getting a blow job
and I'll neverget one now !
not to wearpurity rings anymore !
Yeah, youtell 'em, Joe.
Boys, I know you're tired,but the purity rings
are important tothe company's image.
We don't care aboutthe company !
And you're gonna say thatto the boss's face ?
We aren'tafraid of him.
Well, I hope you're right,
because the boss ison his way here now.
Oh, Jesus, he's here !Boss is here !
Let's be strong, guys !
Hello, sir,how was your trip ?
What's all thisI'm hearing
about not wearingthe purity rings-- ha-ha.
Uh, we'll justleave you alone.
So I guess we have someissues-- ha-ha.
We need to talkabout something.
Oh, boy !
I just love flying allthe way to Colorado
to hear aboutyour problems-- ha-ha.
Look, we just wantour concerts
to be about our musicand not about purity rings.
Oh, gosh, fellas,
let me explain this toyou one more time.
You have towear the purity rings
because that's how we can sellsex to little girls-- ha-ha.
See, if we makethe posters with little girls
reaching for your junk,
then you have towear purity rings
or else Disney Companylooks bad-- ha-ha.
But we don't wanna be sellingsex to little girls anymore.
The rings stay on.
Well... well, maybe we'lljust refuse to go onstage !
You don't fuckingtalk to me
like that-- ha-ha--
you little pieceof shit-- ha-ha.
( gurgling )
Get the fuck up !
Get the fuck up--Ha-ha.
Now, do we havea problem-- ha-ha.
No, Mr. Mouse.
No, Mr. Mouse.
Oh, that's good'cause I thought we had
a problem for a minutethere-- ha-ha.
All right, now get out there
and make me somegoddamned money-- ha-ha.
Yup, he's in here !
Dude, what the hellare you doing, Kenny ?
This is the day we weresupposed to throw
cow turds atcars together !
We've had justabout enough, dude.
You've been blowing us offfor two weeks now !
What's up ?!
Need to buymore DVDs.
"Grey's Anatomy" ?
Kenny, what kind of douche-baggarbage are you watching ?!
Come on, Kenny,this isn't you.
We want you back,dude.
Kenny... Kenny ?
You wanna look atPlayboys ?
Wanna get highsniffing paint, Kenny ?
You want your "Grey's Anatomy"back, Kenny ?
Oh, "Grey's Anatomy,"cool !
Oh, wow, this wasa great season !
( mumbling )
You guys, I thinkthis is serious !
There's somethingreally wrong with him.
It's that ring.
Somehow,putting on that ring
has turned Kenny intoa boring turd.
Oh, my God,look at this !
( Cartman )"Jonas Brothers talk music,Faith in God, and purity rings."
These Disney douche bags arethe ones causing all this !
Yeah, this all happenedthe day after
he went totheir concert !
All right, come on, guys !
We're not sitting backand watching our friend die.
Hold tight, buddy, we'regonna find a cure for you.
Aw, Ken,look what we've become.
We're way too youngto be this boring.
Okay, I'll putin "Grey's Anatomy."
No, I don't want towatch "Grey's Anatomy," Ken.
Let's take off theserings, Ken.
Take off the rings ?
We can take offthe rings ?!
Let's take 'em offand just be kids again !
There'll be plenty of timeto wear rings
and be boring and lamewhen we reach our late 30s
and we're boringand lame anyway.
Yeah, screw these things !
Oh, I feel betteralready !
Me too !
What say you and mego to T.G.I. FRiDAY'S ?
as we commit thisyoung child to the earth,
let us all be reminded
that syphilis is stilla deadly disease
and it can be caughteven if using protection.
This young boy learnedthe hard way...
I told him.
"Woman's mouth isthe most germ-ridden place
on earth," I said.
"Statistically the mostunsafe place
for a man to puthis penis," I said.
Well... now we know.
And knowing ishalf the battle.
Kenny takes his new girlfriend to a Jonas Brothers concert where they each get purity rings.